The Drifter

I’ve written about apathy in the past. It’s been something that I have grown increasingly aware of in the past year or so, both in my own life and others. I have seen so many people this school year and last that are simply drifting through. They’re the people going to a Christian college merely because their parents made a promise to pay, or merely because it was the path of least resistance. It was the next logical step to keep their façade intact. The tormented screams of the Holy Spirit have all but been stifled in their lives. I am talking about the lukewarm and the spiritually dead/
Nate Pfeil said in his video “The Fire”, that “most professing Christians have never realized their actual need for Christ… they’ve never been told that the very first level of Christianity is a complete denial of all of your desires and everything you’ve ever been… They don’t understand that being a Christian means that they are crucified to the world and that the world is crucified to them.”
The truth of the matter is that there many professing believers today who wake up every morning without a consideration to the sacrifice Christ made for them. They live their lives opposed to God, delving into every sin that is “permissible”, living in habitual unrepentant sin. I was one of these people. I first prayed the sinner’s prayer at the ripe age of 4 years old. I fooled my way through elementary school, junior high, and high school. I professed with my mouth repentance and faith in the Gospel, while I had a condemned heart rotting within my chest. I lived the typical ‘Christian kid’ life. I went to the same solid church for 18 years. I participated in Awana. I could articulate TULIP and argue the 5 points of Calvinism; I even wrote a capstone paper in a public high school on the same topic. I even drank black coffee like a good Baptist. However, I struggled with addictions and knew for sure that if I were to die any moment I would be in hell. Unsaved. Apart from Christ. Tormented for eternity. Yet, I lived with my white washed façade, imagining my life was perfect. Pretending I had accepted Christ’s redemption.
I share that to simply say that, I’m not some cynical critique of other Christians. So please don’t dismiss my thoughts because you think I’m being judgmental. I have lived the hidden life. I know what it is like to know the truth, reject it, and yet still pretend and try to convince myself I was saved. I came to Cedarville as a drifter, and now seeing others that have absolutely every reason to be in love with God but aren’t seems right now to be more than I can bear.
We are told that when we graduate we will have an understanding of God and theology that 85% of Christians do not possess. It scares me how some of the most fervent of believers are those in foreign countries, where they know a mere fraction of the theology and doctrinal understanding that we know. Those who have grown up in the church have an understanding of God that gives them no excuse to not love God with every fiber of their being yet daily disregard Christ.

As a church we have “become callous, have given [ourselves] over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness”. Ephesians 4:19. I have “The American Church” written next to the verse in my bible. This verse is the end of a description of the gentile world. As a church and as a people we are becoming more and more like our world than like our savior. Many a ‘good’ Christian flocked to watch The Passion of the Christ, saw their savior have the skin ripped off his body and gruesomely nailed to a tree, and yet they live their lives without a consideration to him whatsoever. They have been lulled into the idea that they can be apart of the world. They’ve heard Paul’s famous dissertation in Romans Chapter 12 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
Yet, somehow the message is lost. For some reason it’s forgotten that the world we live in, no matter how much we want it to be friendly to our cause isn’t. Christians pretend to be ignorant to the fact that we have a severely radical belief, one that cannot co-exist with the world around us.

When addressing the church in Laodicea in Revelations 3:14-17 Christ said, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. Because you say, ‘I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,’ and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.”

My conclusion is short and simple. If you are living with a façade, stop playing the whore. Stop professing with your lips that you love the master and creator of the universe and live your life with lukewarm and at best apathetic devotion to him. You could fool everyone here but it won’t save your soul. Heed Jesus’ words. Know that apart from Christ, you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. Don’t realize it too late.

“Since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for out God is a consuming fire.”
Hebrews 12:28-29

A Short Response...

A quick response to a few observations I've made:

“Oh! I would that some Christians would pay a little attention to their legs, instead of paying it all to their heads. When children’s heads grow too fast it is a sign of disease... So, there are some very sound brethren, who seem to me to have got some kind of disease, and when they try to walk, they straightway make a tumble of it, because they have paid so much attention to perplexing doctrinal views, instead of looking, as they ought to have done, to the practical part of Christianity. By all means let us have doctrine, but by all means let us have precept too… true Christians can say, with the apostle Paul, “We walk.” Oh that we may ever be able to say it too! Here then is the activity of the Christian life.” – C.H. Spurgeon, 1000 devotional thoughts of C.H. Spurgeon No. 4

Therefore, what matters more, knowing doctrine or walking with God? The hope is you never have to make that decision. Doctrine’s purpose is to define God and our relationship to him, not substitute that relationship. Go ahead and debate doctrinal differences. The real question is not are you Calvinist, but do you love God and do you truly follow him? If an unbiased source viewed your life, who/what would he say you love? If you love God, debates of doctrine would not become yelling brawls where, for personal pride you spew forth your view. They would rather be a time where you assertively present truth for His name sake, not for personal dominance or pride, rather for the mutual understanding of all present. Yelling and brow beating will not and never have accomplished anything.

I feel Like more could be said, however I'm not about to comment on how exactly correction and doctrinal debates should play out. I just know that I have rarely seen self-control exhibited in such an argument as Absolute Predestination vs Absolute Free Will. Often times I have seen people with an eroding spiritual life fighting the most ardently; I think that is who Spurgeon is talking to. Doctrine matters, don't get me wrong. However, couldn't the same time be spent finding out how you need to be living your life for Christ rather than trying to convince someone of a doctrinal issue that you yourself don't understand?

Summer 2009- Part 2 - Evangelism

7-15-09

I had a chance to evangelize to a coworker recently.

My boss is 50, lives in a trailer park, has never even been on a single date with anyone, and expressed her despair today. She typically accepts the mundane and normality of her life with little complaining. Not that she enjoys her life tremendously, but she also doesn’t hate it. She is apathetic to it.

Recent drama and juvenile behavior has swept quietly through work. Causing even my self to want to quit. What she expressed today was a call for help. She has no idea of the spiritual battle going on for her soul right now. In short, she said she is not suicidal, however really wishes life would stop. Her only hope for not dealing with all the sin and corruption is death.

I had the perfect opportunity to tell her that there was a savior that died, one that loves her, one apart from ''religion''. She describes herself a ''backsliding luthren with pagan tendencies''. We’ve talked alot about her past (more missed opportunities). Although I’m still unsure how to tell her that who Christ is has nothing to do with the people that have lacked love and only judged her. Christ isn’t who she thinks he is. She thinks all the religions of the world are attempting to approach the same God and that one religion isn’t elevated over another. She's partially right. There is God shaped hole that he put in every soul.

Evangelizing sounds so cut and dry on paper. It seems nerve wrackingly simple and easy to me to approach a complete stranger and share the gospel.
However I’m realizing its challenging to your walk to be confronted with the need to evangelize to someone who sees you daily. Someone who sees the best and worst in you.
Even if God successfully used me as a tool to evangelize to her, how do I explain to a new convert that there is no guarantee that 'Christians' will accept her? How do I explain why some of the greatest acts of love (aside from my parents) have come from unbelievers? How do I explain that the same corruption and juvenile drama that she is experiencing in the world is in the church amongst so called “believers”. How do I explain the lack of godliness and embitterment amongst believers?

These questions were nagging me, as her past experience with Christians gave her the impression that many were judgmental and unloving. So have mine.

I have no idea what the answers are.

Summer 2009- Part 1- The IV

The sub title of the blog is very applicable to this and several of the preceding posts. This summer has been one of many random thoughts and experiences. I first wrote them down so I would remember them and remember what the summer was like, but Ive now decided to share these few and simple thoughts with the rest of cyberspace..

- - - - - -

When We Get back to the 'Ville...

I sometimes find it is so much easier to encourage others in their walk than to take care of my own. This thought solidified itself in my mind when a mere acquaintance tried to hold me accountable in my spiritual life.

I sometimes tend to turn what is a good thing into a mere checklist. The love I claim to have for the Lord is suppressed -or substituted- for this checklist. It is used to ease my mind, as the conscience and the holy spirit scream for me to draw back into communion with God, I find myself content sending texts and emails reaching out to others.
Although the action isn't wrong, the motivation turns what would otherwise be seen as fruit into a vomitable substance that God disavows.

In hindsight there have been times when I ignored my spiritual health to help others. Not out of service, but out of a pathetic guilt that drove me to check that item off the list. Oh, I didn't go to church this week.. Better write a blog about an epiphany I had at chapel. Although those aren’t my exact thoughts, I find it a humorous coincidence that my being compelled to share with others often comes at times where I was in a spiritual slump.

This summer has making me realize how easy it is to be a Christian at Cedarville. It is simple to continue the trends you have had your whole life. Be moral, go to church, minister to others Etc.
Is it out of habit? Am I reaching out to further the kingdom or is it a response to a compartmentalized problem?

Chapel many times turns into a crutch, perhaps even a spiritual IV. We naturally live our lives not realizing the sacrifice of Christ. Chapel seems to be a time that guides and re-focuses us, yet it is sad that it is needed. It is sad that without chapel, without Cedarville, without all the fellow believers; when all is stripped away and it is just us and God; that we very seldom choose him.


I know this because of how bad the summer has went. I told myself to start off strong. And yet I didn't. While away from a strong Christian environment you truly see who you are. In the end who you are away from the spotlight, when it is you and God in the wilderness, is the person God sees. That is the person I am the most afraid of.

I am realizing more and more the truth of Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?”. Anyone who believes in Christian Liberties obviously doesn't believe this. You MUST be proactive in battling sin. Go so far away from that fine line between sin and righteousness that people think you're insane. One small seemingly insignificant sin will take over your life. Satan is content to hold a small part of you for awhile if he knows he can work his way in and take the rest.

The Bottom Line

When we go back to school please remember this summer. Remember who you are while you are away. Remember who God sees. While we are at Cedarville please don't merely float through the year. Aggressively attack your spiritual life while you have the strength of your Christian Family behind you. Ask the tough questions. Answer them honestly when asked.

A Powerful Message

Just wanted to share this Video with everyone...
It's on FB so you have to watch it there...




Thanks Vienna for sending it to me!

Ode to Cedarville.

August 13^th, 2008 I left my parents at the airport in Seattle to embark upon a five hour journey to college. The adventure certainly didn’t end when I landed in Columbus. Being homeschooled for most of high school I had no idea what to expect (other than the very detailed barrage of information my sister and bro-in-law dumped on me. Much needed information like, where to sit in chucks. Never. Ever. Sit in Up Chucks.) I was also told to dance like crazy when I saw Chris Cleveland on stage. SWIM! SWIM! SWIM!

The year had many surprises in store for me. I never realized -25 degree wind chill was so cold! I never knew Christians existed who were honest and upfront with their sin. (Not many, but a few) I never realized there was so much apathy in myself or in the church. I found out following distance means nothing if you don’t see the car ahead of you hit your brakes. Ha. God used many things this year to teach me.

I had hopes but no real Idea that I would be an RA my sophomore year. I had no idea I could actually balance all the homework. I didn’t understand how close you get to people that you see everyday and get to live with. I had no Idea I would ever want to visit Wisconsin.

I didn’t know God would grab me knock me around, give me amazing Christian friends, or make me learn. I had no idea what people meant when they told me I would meet friends for life. It’s only been one year, however I already feel like I’ve already gained family. I would consider Cedarville a more liberal school when lined up with other Christian schools in the nation (such as TMC). Although it isn’t perfect, I wouldn’t trade my experiences there for anything. I’m looking forward to the next 3 years.

I Love You Cedarville.

A Thought to Contemplate...

"I should like to ask the man who professes to be a Christian, what the angels see him do? There is a little room upstairs there, your closet, or perhaps you use your bedside for prayer. I should like to know how you behave there. It is not difficult for a man who never prays to make a fine boast of his religion. It is not enough for you to kneel down, but do you ever have any dealings with God? Do you have Real Communion with Christ? Do you talk to him as a Man would talk to his friend? Do you pour out your heart before him? Oh! The Heart-searching God knows how many there are that are fair trees without, but are rotten within; how many there are who are but painted harlots."
-No. 19, 1000 Devotional Thoughts of C.H. Spurgeon


Spurgeon's final point I find particuarly eerie. Oh, how I miss Cedarville. I long for the people, the atmosphere, and the experience however I all too often forget that even at a place like a Chrisitan college there are wolves amongst the flock. I know the truth from Spurgeon's statement "It is not difficult for a man who never prays to make a fine boast of his religion" because I myself have been the wolf. Spurgeon is ever faithful to deliver a stinging blow to our pride. He directly challenges our relationship and prayer life we have in God.

Psalm 51:1-4

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.

Communion and Guilt.

Before the Throne of God Above is a song my church often sings on nights we have communion, typically between the serving of the bread and the cup. While considering my downfalls, one of the stanzas caught my eye:


“When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me”

Satan has been tempting me to despair. I found the guilt within tonight. Finally.
How do you reconcile sinning with Christ wiping our slate clean? Why do we still sin?(the theological answer is obvious, but it doesn’t always feel that way)When we are guilty we should look to Christ and be thankful. What happens then? Are we supposed to feel better?


I don’t.

Who is God?

Upon reading a section of Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God and Deuteronomy 32:18-27 I realized that contemporary Christian circles speak so much of the love of God and not enough of his anger. It is so easy to believe and grasp just the trait of God's Love, the same one we have cheapened into Christian slogans. Isn't the image of the gentle God that we have painted in our minds flawed?

I am terribly afraid that the contemporary emerging church worships a different God than I do. At times the only resemblance our faiths have is the strange coincidence that our God’s have the same name.

Many paint an image of an all gentle and all forgiving God in their minds, one that loves them unconditionally no matter what they do. They therefore live an existential life claiming to practice “Christian Liberties”. By focusing on one single aspect of the person of God, they seem to create their God entirely.
Although we will never fully grasp God in his entirety, he left us 66 books that he has miraculously preserved over the last six-thousand years. They point directly to him and his character. It’s a heinous sin for anyone to pick and choose what to believe out of it.

The God I believe in is not this watered down version many sell to the world.
“There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with… a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.”
—Mark Driscoll, Relevant Magazine

He is the terrible God of Anger, Love, Mercy, Faithfulness, and compassion. Although God treats modern believers differently his attribute of Anger is as strong today as it always has been. You can’t get far into the Old Testament before you run into His wrath. It is clearly displayed in Deuteronomy 32:18-27. If you are unfamiliar with the passage read it and tell me God doesn’t get angry at his people.
This is the point I do not understand. People get so passionate during worship yet many don’t understand him in any capacity whatsoever. The fact that he is an angry and jealous God makes his mercy that much more apparent.
I would literally not have a God to worship if he hadn’t saved me from anything. It is easy to separate God from our condition, but God’s mercy is him saving us from himself. His righteous anger sends unbelievers to hell.
How is it possible to lose sight of this fact?

The Point
“What are we, that we should think to stand before him, at whose rebuke the earth trembles, and before whom the rocks are thrown down?” -Jonathan Edwards, Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God

There was much more I had to say, however I’m hoping my point is clear. God is more than just the God of Love. Let us not find ourselves comfortable in his mercy. Although everything about God is everlasting, at times I believe we have earthly chastisement coming our way for how flippantly we claim the name of our savior. It is naïve to think that God will not spill his wrath out upon us believers. Although we are guaranteed salvation and mercy, we are not guaranteed wealth, earthly justice, or even life. Nor does he ever promise to not punish us. We approach worship without a care, get some emotional high because we love the songs, then go about our day without a consideration towards our savior.

As believers we need to realize and embrace the God of the bible. The good, the bad, the ugly. Many are uncomfortable with the idea of God’s wrath, however I am more uncomfortable of being comfortable. If I am not feeling guilty I am afraid. I never want God to cease to pursue me. John Piper shared similar sentiments in a sermon in the early 80s. In summarization he stated that if he was fearful of the day that he would open the bible and not grow or learn.

Let us approach worship with the realization of the truth that we have an opportunity to worship the same God that loves us unconditionally but also the same one who has created and destroyed. The very same God that is merciful but also could end our miserable existence if he so desired.

Re: Idolatry in Relationships

I think a huge reason why we have so many non-serious and shallow relationships in the world today are because of people being discontent. First and foremost it’s obvious that they are discontent with being single, but also being discontent with God. Although on the surface we wouldn’t necessarily call them needy, I think a large part of their relationship failure is due to them coming into their relationships with the need to be loved or the need to be needed. It is being in love with love not necessarily the person. Basically, loving the fuzzy feelings and not the individual. I’m pretty sure that fuzzy feelings don’t last for 50 years.

[ A bunny trail and Digging a hole:: I think denial helps with this error of thinking. Any man who has spent ANY time with a woman, will know they can be irrational. HA! Settle down I said ‘CAN BE’. But seriously. It’s not always going to be smooth sailing… Maybe people just need to face facts and see that?]

I think if people are truly needy and they enter relationships because of it; they set their relationships up as being adulterous to God from the start. If people are looking for others to worship them in a relationship they are making idols of themselves. Kind of sounds like a freaky cult to me… but apparently it happens all the time. Even if someone truly believes in their heart that they will give 100% into the relationship- if they are expecting to get anything in return then doesn’t that defeat the point and perhaps even make it idolatry? I think a lot of divorces are caused by people wanting to be worshiped and then having their expectations not lived up to.

- - Random:: On top of all this, I find it Ironic that many of the people that I have heard express that they really want to have a girlfriend, don’t serve others now. I really don’t think you would start being a servant the second you get married.