Guilt

I don’t mean this in any way to judge, a lot of this is Self-Reflection…
And Bear with me- it was Early in the morning.
And. PLEASE, leave comments. Even if you disagree and want to kill me.

Oh, And Sorry For The Length.

I Attended the Heartsong Live concert. It was amazing. Not only did the group perform well, the crowd participation in worshipping their Creator was spectacular. There have only been a few times in my life that I have heard worship like that. At the end it was equated to a small taste of What Heaven Will be Like.
Song After song went by. Hearts Opening to God.
Then we Sang this Song. Take a minute or two to contemplate the lyrics.
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“Hillsong United - None But Jesus
In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but JesusCrucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore”
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For The most part everyone else seemed to really be ‘moved’ by the lyrics. Loud unashamed Worship of Our King. I don’t know about you But it caused me to feel extremely guilty (rather than sharing the apparent other emotions of my fellow worshipers). HOW DARE I Sing these Lyrics? I love the song- don’t get me wrong. But does anyone- ANYONE – actually put All their Delight in the Lord!? Do they have all their Hope, All their Strength Forevermore in Christ? I know I am beating a Dead Horse Here- but hear me out.

To ME this song is not encouraging at the surface. It reminds me of my fallibility. How my promise to Love the Lord for the rest of my life is a worthless claim. I repent from a sin and either continue walking and fall into the same hole again- Right after I PROMISED to never fall into that hole again- OR- I find a deeper and darker hole to jump into. Jump into , not fall. Sadly I (and I believe many of you) Choose Sin more often than choose Christ. (That sentence by itself is a gross understatement)

Therefore. I stand Trembling at the Feet of Christ Claiming
“All my delight is in You LordAll of my hope, all of my strengthAll my delight is in You Lord Forevermore”.

How many tonight made this Claim of eternal loyalty have already broken it- or will break it with haste? How many people were ‘moved’ tonight, felt Closer to God, or had an emotional experience that can’t stay awake during Chapel, sermons, their Bible classes and whose Spiritual life is decaying? God Is Good. He takes us Back Even After we Fail. Even though “Each new day again [I have to] choose”. He forgives. His mercy truly is Everlasting- the mere fact that we are not struck down when we approach him in our pride proves his love.
What I am trying to say is this:

I like this song not only because of how it sounds but it reminds me that I need Christ because I truly cannot be honest with him and sing it. That sounds a little weird but It reminds me of his mercy in taking us back even after we tarnish and destroy his name. Although I never think it’s wrong to re-commit oneself to God- we need to be careful that we don’t fall into a life of licentiousness (a life where we sin so that Grace abounds). Where we are content to love God when we sing- and yet screw him over for during rest of our week. Where we are Apathetic to God- But experience him occasionally when the mood is just right. THAT is NOT Christianity. He Demands, our Heart. Our Soul. And Our Mind. a Relationship based on mere emotion is not relationship at all.

A Brief and Final Thought
I also remembered Job 1:6-12 tonight. This is the passage where Satan goes before God’s Presence and doubts Job’s Loyalty. Let us be like Job in our lives- but especially while formally worshipping. Let us not be the people that Satan mocks God for. I can just hear Satan now… “Look how easily Your People sin while worshipping you! Oh High God! All My Delight is in You Lord! Do you see how easily I have- In MY Glory- Caused them to think they worship you! The Pride, apathy, and disinterest a have planted in their lives make them believe they love you- See. I will win. Your Son’s Death won’t matter. They will serve me.”

How to Kill A Church

Apathy:
lack of interest or concern; indifference.

How do I capture my frustrations on paper, with this preposterously simple language?

God has become the great American myth. Our American Freedoms are destroying Christianity. It isn’t hard or significant to claim you follow Christ. It hasn’t been for years. People that are willing to sit still and discuss God seriously are few and far between. Those that decide to stand against the flow of society and imitate Christ are seen as religious Zealots rather than heroes of faith.

I know how it goes. When you see man who is on fire for God and is sold out for him you think- ‘he should be a pastor’. WHY is a pastor considered any different than an average Christian? Aren’t we all commanded to follow Christ and to do so with an intensity that will keep the world from conforming us?

People have stopped even faking they love Christ. God is this Myth in the back of their mind. The Crutch they lean on when life is hard. When things are good- when he blesses them the most- is when they turn away and claim to not need him. If their salvation be Real, it’s small mediocre and honestly worthless. If your faith is not active and working through your life, what worth is it!? Not by works we are saved- Yes. However, if you are ignoring basic commands like ‘Go and further the kingdom’, or you don’t even strive to please God at all; How do you have faith in your salvation at all? Why do you think you are saved if no fruit is produced! Do you have no shame or Doubt!? Why Claim to belong to Christ at all and yet decidedly stand on the corner of Christianity and whore yourself out to Society!?

Ok. A little Harsh. Perhaps the apathetic are saved; however have lost sight of what Christ has done for them? Doesn’t everyone have evidence of what God has done to their lives? I’m not saying that God has the #1 place in my life like he should. Not by A long shot but Like I said in my last post, God has been reminding me a lot recently of his mercy. How far he has taken me, but also showing me how far I need to go.




It's really Ok if you don't pursue Christ, he Doesn't really care. <--sarcasm

Thank You

This is a Summary of an exercise that was assigned for my Spiritual Formations class I'd Like to Share...

The Assignment is to draw on a graph your spiritual "lifeline". With 10 ups and downs logged. Why are these points significant to you? What made you think of them?

Take a few moments to really ponder the lowest point in your life.


Think now about where God has brought you to today.

1. Who are you Today?

2. What is your public image?

3. Who Are you REALLY when people aren't watching?


I don't know how you respond to looking back on your life, but I am brought to my knees by where God has brought me. I lay crippled with the thought of what he has done. Not that I'm amazing now, but I alone know how low and wallowing in my sin I was before he came a long. He alone has transformed my life. He Alone Could.

I no longer have to hide who I am. My Shame can be replaced with absolute gratefulness and love.

Thank You, God.

First Post Of the New Year!

This is a long Post, but I hope its Worth Your time to read it.

: An “Unreasonable conceit of superiority” or an “Overweening opinion of one’s own qualities.”

- Oxford English Dictionary

“Shall I, Lord Jesus, dare speak to you, I who am but dust and ashes? Truly, if I think myself any better than ashes and dust, You stand against me, and my own sins also bear witness against me. That I cannot Deny. But if I despise myself and set myself at naught and think myself but ashes and dust, as I am, than your grace will be close to me and the light of true understanding will enter into my heart, so that all presumption and pride in me will be drowned in the valley of meekness, through perfect knowledge of my wretchedness.”

- Thomas á Kempis, From "Imitation of Christ"

I am reading Steering Through Chaos by Os Guinness for my Spiritual Formation’s class. It is very convicting. If the whole book is like the first chapter- I would Highly suggest finding a copy and reading it. The First chapter is on Pride. I have never really thought of pride as the root or mother of most other sins. Furthermore, I hadn’t realized how much of an issue it was in my own life.

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Here is a condensed version of my thoughts on the first chapter.

The World's View of Pride is Completely different than the bible's. This Worldly thinking has forced its way into the church, poisoning this already sick and dying institution. The World mixes and skews the lines between self-achievement, Self-Respect,and Pride. Think HAPPY thoughts about yourself!

The biblical view is different. Nebuchadnezzar was struck down in his pride- even though he may have earned his position. He Created a majestic Kingdom. Ruler of Mesopotamia. Standing on the Top of his palace Viewing the glory of what HE had created. As You'll remember, God struck him down to the level of a beast for a period of time for his blasphemous thinking. How dare we as Human Beings consider that we can possibly earn anything without God’s direct involvement!? God gave Nebuchadnezzar his title and position, and just as quickly God Took it away. God is Not one to be trifled with. How can we Dare to stand against God, claiming he is our savior and believe in our hearts that we become the people that we are on our own?

It is all too easy for me to notice that others are prideful; however it is ridiculously hard to know when oneself is being Prideful. According to C.S. Lewis, the easiest way to tell if you are prideful is to notice how much it bothers you when others are prideful or mistreat you. The very fact that you think you’re so important that others should treat you well shows you are prideful. Although that may seem extreme at first, Think about it. By thinking You are deserving of being elevated by other people is what? PRIDE!? I honestly didn't think myself a Prideful person until I read this chapter. Do you know how TICKED off I get when others are being prideful or mistreat me? Yea, you say thats normal... Huh. Sin is pretty Normal last time I checked. I Additionally realized Selfishness, lust, and anger are all caused by pride. They all come from A high view of oneself and a low one of others.

I would stretch the concept in the book and ad my own thought by stating that by being prideful we are ignoring Christ’s actions on the Cross. He humbled himself from being the creator of the universe to die and save us. By being prideful we show that we believe that our sacrifices and hardships are on the same level and scale as Christ’s sacrifice. Our slight “mistreatment” is usually an epic display of others disrespecting us. We aren’t being lifted on a pedestal by the rest of the Human Race; may it never be!

There was a small selection from the 15^th century writer, Thomas á Kempis that was amazing. An excerpt from his writing was the quote at the beginning of this post. I believe it's view on Pride and humility is 100% correct. By knowing and living in the realization of our wretchedness perhaps we can lose our pride. We could acquire true understanding by opening ourselves up to God with what the world would consider extreme humility.

This Chapter was very good in helping me explore and realize my own Pride. Even though it may not seem like it to me all the time, I’ve realized that pride is the driving force to the majority of the sin in my life. If the rest of the chapters are this good, this Semester is going to be amazing.

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I'm going to post my thoughts on each Chapter As I get to them, so something like one chapter a Week.

Back Pedaling...

Christians Need to be Strong Enough in their Faith that no matter their environment they can keep their eyes on Christ. It shouldn’t matter if a Believer is surrounded by the world or apostasy. They Should be Strong enough in Christ to not be Affected- Or Conformed. SHOULD, Being The Key Word. Ive Been Realizing this A lot this Last Semester. The Fact That the Rest of The world isn’t like Cedarville and that I need to soak up as much of it as I can. Its Frustrating to see that Im not what I Can and SHOULD be.

I have All The Time In The World right now Over Break and yet I find it so Hard to spend Time with God- Or Do anything Useful at all. It’s Not that I’m in a Bad Environment- Its Frustrating though to see that I’m Still Not far a long in my walk as I could be. Not as Far as I thought. My gaze needs to be stuck on Christ, not only when it is Easy- but Also when it is Hard.

Im Realizing that The depressing Truth is that I have a Long Race to run- A Race thats Going To take a lifetime. One That Will Never be Finished while I'm on this earth. A race that Will Be Plagued by My Fraility.

One That I cannot Finish Or Even Run without Christ.

At First I was Frustrated. The Fact That I cannot Run This Race. The Fact That I FAIL on my own.

On my own.

The Gospel Preached in many Churches today is that We can do everything ourselves. God is dumbed down. He is only a Benevolent father figure that always gives you what you want.

Unfortunately those Churches in my opinion are worshiping themselves And Not my God.
My God Saved Me Through Grace. By Faith. He Demands My Loyalty. Yet, he is an extraordinary Father who is helping in this Race because yet again I can't do it on my own.





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Sorry For this Blog Being Terribly Random. It's 2am.

Trusting....

As a few of you know, Ive had a love obsession with motorcycles for several years now. I finally bought my first bike in October, Thinking that FINALLY! Finally my dream has been Realized.

But. At this point it looks like God has had a different Plan. I'm Having trouble getting my liscence- the timing isnt working out. I had my ride test cancelled this last sunday; then rescheduled for after I get back to school. So, I'll have the Plates for the bike but no liscence. So my Only Real option is to sell the bike.

You Can Be Praying For The Brown Family:

• I'm going into the doctors office tomorrow to get a Endoscopy- Basically A camera they stick down into your stomach. They're Checking to See if I have an Ulcer or other stomach condition.
  
• On the 2nd of January My Dad goes in for a fairly serious back surgery. There has been a broken peice of his backbone resting on a nerve Since october.

More Random Thoughts....

A Quick Thought:

Does my knowledge of God Drive me to him with a grateful and humble heart or am I Sinning by Haveing a Solid Grasp Doctrine and Yet missing it somewhere? Am I dissapointing Him? Am I Apathetic and spiritually Anorexic?


For Instance. A month or two ago a Chinese minister visited Cedarville. Although, I doubt he has the knowledge of the bible that many American Believers have; He is Completely sold out For Christ.

It Seems like the more we explain God, the less many people Appreciate him. Why is it that I'm not as on fire as those with a Rudimentary understanding of God and the Gospel!?

Thanksgiving Break

Thanksgiving Break Was Boring...

First Semester...

Random Memory of the Day: August 15, 2008

Freshmen Party. Probably one of the Most Awkward times we will ever have in College. I don’t think I need to explain why it’s so awkward. Unless you already know people at Cedarville, it’s just Strange.... I had met just met my unit, my sister unit, and then I was plunged into this giant mass of nervous freshmen, loud upperclassman, and giant bouncy blowup toys. During the first few weeks of college all the freshmen are extremely outgoing… Now, not so much… What happened!?
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I’ve had an amazing first semester here. The only thing I regret is it going by so fast. I was given a Great Small group [Group 60! Woot Woot!], An amazing sister unit, and a great Unit. I’m Very grateful that I was able to come here. God never promised that we would have a good education- or even live a good life, but he has allowed me to have both. He has provided above and beyond what anyone could demand of him. In the end, if he has planned to strip away everything- I have my Salvation. God Has certainly displayed an infinite amount of grace and mercy in my life.

I have learned more in the last 4 months [maybe even the last year] than I can ever remember. God has been faithful to teach me..

Have you ever realized that everything you’ve read- in and out of the bible, sermons you’ve heard, and conversations you’ve had all are telling you the same thing? What I mean by this is simple: Looking back upon the last year, I can see God’s Hand in it all. Back in May I wasn’t 100% sure that I wanted to come to Cedarville. I was so Stressed and nervous the first day, that I was throwing up. Today, I know this is exactly where God wants me.

I stand in Awe at how God has taught me this year. I am Thankful.

God is good.

Shower Time

A Short Story...

I was up until 3 this morning doing laundry. So I decided that since I have 5 chapel skips left, I would skip chapel today. So this morning I had the luxury of sleeping in until 11am. It was Amazing.
The Story Starts with a Shower. It was an uneventfull shower. Rubber Ducky Stall- 19's Side. The Water Pressure Is better there. The Story Doesn't get interesting until I got out....Lets Just say that when I got back to my room..... It was Locked. And my roommate and RA are nowhere to be found. Lol.

So Doug And His Lime Green Towel are locked out- Its been 2 hours now.